February 5, 2010 by Mindfullymothering
Lately I have been thinking about how I define the world for the little monkey through my words. The other day he was climbing on some playground equipment and I said, “Be careful!” He turned and looked me right in the eye and said, “No!”
This gave me pause.
How many times have I said those words to him? A bazillion? You see, this little guy is truly a monkey. The minute I turn my back, he is climbing the counters in the kitchen, skillfully foraging for food. At almost three, he blazes down hills on his little balance bike, feet proudly riding the tiny pegs. He climbs the flat, metal surface of the slide standing up, refusing to put his hands down on the sides. And usually, he does just fine.
I also say “Be careful!” to him when he is around other people. He has strong, physical energy and is likely to bowl someone over if they try to take a beloved toy away or even get too close when he doesn’t want to be touched.
By saying the words “Be careful” to him all day, am I teaching him that the world is a dangerous place? Or even worse, that he is dangerous?
I have been wondering what else I could say, if anything. Maybe I need to say less and just be available. I can catch him after all. Or let him fall (if it isn’t too high) and learn the power of gravity. And when it comes to his interactions with others, I can stay close to help keep everyone safe without assuming with my words that he is automatically going to be rough.
What words do you say to your kids over and over? What do you think it teaches them about the world and themselves? Does the constant “No!” make the world seem very limited? Does “Try harder” teach them that they just aren’t good enough?
And, if you want to re-frame the self-limiting thoughts you tell yourself regularly, read my post about it at Nurture Life Coaching.
Posted in mama wisdom | Tagged awareness, language, mindfulness, mothering, Parenting, perspective, self-limiting thoughts, shift your thinking, toddlers | 1 Comment »
January 19, 2010 by Mindfullymothering
I believe that I live in one of the most community-minded, family-centered cities in the United States. Portland, Oregon has exceeded my expectations when it comes to finding my tribe of creative, aware mamas!
From gatherings at Milagros to community swap meets to the amazing mamas I bump into at the park every week (rain or shine), there is always something going on for kids and mamas in Portland.
To celebrate and acknowledge this special mama culture in Portland, I wrote an article for Portland Family Magazine about the Portland Mama Economy. You can read it on-line, or better yet, pick up a copy in print!
Posted in Family life, writing | Tagged community, Connected Parenting, connection, families, mama culture, Parenting, Portland families | Leave a Comment »
January 15, 2010 by Mindfullymothering
If your inner voice often tells you that you don’t deserve time to nurture yourself, that you aren’t smart/thin/productive enough, or that you shouldn’t want something that you want, you are not alone.
Most of us have learned to limit ourselves with our thinking, sometimes before we fully know ourselves and our own desires. We picked up these messages from our culture, our media, our educational system and our families. But we do have the power to shift these self-limiting thoughts.
First step? Recognize them for what they are! Self-limiting thoughts have some common characteristics.
1. Limiting thoughts are usually based in fears. They often have common themes like: fear of abandonment (I need to make other people happy so they will stick around); fear of deprivation (I should work hard, at a job I might not even like, or I will end up in the streets); fear of failure (I have to be productive all the time or things will fall apart).
2. They tell you who you have to be in order to be loved and accepted. “If I am my authentic self, no one will really like me. I have to take care of everyone else (at the expense of my own health and well-being) because that is what mothers do.” These thoughts tell you that you are not accepted or acceptable just as you are and that your needs and feelings are not valid.
3. They block your progress and keep you stuck. Whenever you are feeling stuck or un-happy, you can bet a self-limiting thought is running the show. People are often afraid to take a risk and try something that would be really fulfilling for them because of a limiting thought like: “Things never turn out to be as good as I want. I don’t deserve that.”
Once you identify your self-limiting thoughts, you can take the next step and transform them into thoughts that are more honest and that reflect your needs and values.
Please join me for a free one-hour women’s circle on Sunday, January 31st from 3 to 4 PM at Zenana Spa. You can register on my Nurture Life Coaching Web site. In a supportive circle of like-minded women, we will come together to share about some of our common self-limiting thoughts and learn a simple process for transforming them into more authentic and empowered beliefs.
This blog post first appeared in the Zenana Spa newsletter.
Posted in My coaching practice, Personal Growth | Tagged authenticity, awareness, belief systems, intentions, limiting beliefs, perspective, Self-care, self-expression, self-limiting thoughts, shift your thinking | Leave a Comment »
January 1, 2010 by Mindfullymothering
2009 was a full year for our family. We had some big growth spurts, a few challenges and some exciting changes.
The little monkey had his first ambulance ride, his first day of preschool and mastered riding his bike (daily, rain or shine).
Sweet boy got his first car, went to Prom (looking quite sharp!) and learned how complicated relationships can be.
Papa Bear’s photography business slowed with the sluggish economy but he enjoyed more time with the family and started working on his Sci-fi trilogy again.
I had a health scare (that turned out fine) and allowed me to learn more about my relationship with my own body and health. My coaching and bodywork practice doubled and I had the opportunity to support some amazing women in creating positive change in their lives.
The end of a year (not to mention of a decade) is the perfect time for reflection. If you are considering New Year’s resolutions, please visit my Nurture Life Coaching blog post to learn how to create sustainable and authentic intentions that honor where you are now and guide you to who you want to be in 2010.
Posted in Family life, My coaching practice, Personal Growth | Tagged awareness, change, health, intentions, life coaching, mindfulness, New Year's resolutions, Parenting, shift your thinking, teenagers, toddlers | Leave a Comment »
December 15, 2009 by Mindfullymothering
Yesterday, we took the little monkey to get a Christmas tree. We chose a lot recommended by friends with fresh, local trees. To our surprise, Santa and Mrs. Claus were also in attendance. Santa was a jolly fellow with a real (not fake) white beard, sparkly eyes and a penchant for poetry.
The little guy felt very comfortable with him.
When he climbed up into Santa’s lap and was asked what he wanted for Christmas, he quickly replied with certainty, “A Christmas tree!” Santa bellowed and pointed to the lines of trees to his right, “Go pick one young man!”
Before sending us off to choose our tree, Santa closed his eyes and composed a poem about love and family, inspired by us (or so he said). Mrs. Claus handed out lollipops and hugs to all.
As I watched the little guy running through the trees, I realized that he knew something that I forgot. True happiness comes when you want the thing that is right there in front of you.
He didn’t ask for a space ship or train set. He just wanted a tree to take home and decorate with lights. He knew we were there to get one and even the surety of that fact did not diminish his excitement.
I remembered that lesson today as the little monkey ran circles in the bank (almost knocking over their Christmas tree). I found myself watching another toddler, standing close to her mother and entertaining herself with a scrap of paper. Jealousy tapped my shoulder for just a moment and I wondered why I couldn’t have a mellow kid, an easy kid, one that isn’t so loud and fast.
And then I glanced over into the big, excited blue eyes of the little guy as he raced up to me, begging for stickers (with cars on them) and decided to want him just the way he is.
Posted in mama wisdom | Tagged acceptance, being present, Christmas lesson, Connected Parenting, gratitude, mindfulness, mothering, perspective, shift your thinking, toddlers | 2 Comments »
December 11, 2009 by Mindfullymothering
Do you ever have those mama moments (or days/weeks) when you wish you could just clone yourself and then go hide under the covers while your likeness finishes the laundry, returns client calls, gets the family budget in order and shuttles the kids around?
Or, like me, are you so busy with both work and family, that you could literally use two of yourself just to keep up?
Why do we keep doing what we do, even when it gets really challenging? If you are a juggling, working mama, looking for some inspiration, read my post this week on Mamapreneurs Inc!
Posted in The balancing act of motherhood | Tagged juggling act, mindfulness, Parenting, perspective, shift your thinking, stress, time management, work life balance, working mama | Leave a Comment »
November 25, 2009 by Mindfullymothering
I love the focus on gratitude during Thanksgiving week. For me, it is a wonderful reminder to be mindful. Being grateful means pausing and really noticing: what do I appreciate right now? To do that, I have to actually slow down and get present.
The past few days, I have been stuck in the “grump rut”. Perhaps you are nodding your head right now because that is a familiar territory for you. I regularly feel frustration and irritation with my toddler as he learns (key point to remember) to communicate his needs and feelings, often in ways that are very challenging for me.
Sometimes I catch myself expecting him to act like a little grown-up. Shouldn’t he know how to ask respectfully for what he wants? Can’t he learn to wait when I am busy? And why the heck does he wake up so early anyway?
Then I remind myself, he isn’t even 3 years old yet! His little brain and body are still developing (not done till mid 20s actually). He can’t control his emotions (nor would I want him to do so). It is my job to care for him, be his guide and model respectful behavior, starting with the way I respond to him.
This week, I am starting an “appreciation practice”. For a few minutes every day, I am going to slow down, pay attention to him consciously and think about all the things I notice and appreciate about him. I think I will do it with my husband and dog as well.
When I do this, it shifts me right out of grumpy, busy mama mode and into mindfulness and inner calm. There is so much to appreciate! When I get frustrated, I just forget…
Want to try it?
Posted in Being myself | Tagged awareness, being present, Connected Parenting, connection, grateful, gratitude, intentions, mindfulness, mothering, Parenting, perspective, shift your thinking, spiritual practice, thanksgiving, toddlers | 2 Comments »
November 13, 2009 by Mindfullymothering
I have “come out” pretty openly as a mama very dedicated to mindfulness and very short on patience. Being present and mindful is especially challenging for me because I am naturally oriented towards action and can tend to get very stuck in my head, with thoughts spinning.
So, how in the heck did I end up teaching yoga, being a massage therapist and a body-centered life coach? Well…cause truly we teach what we need to learn. And mamas, I have to practice more than most!
This past week, my internal patience meter has been ticking like a time bomb.
Mornings have been hard. I want the little (wild) monkey dressed, teeth brushed and out the door to preschool in the mornings without a struggle (and he is two and half so how likely is that?). And I grit my teeth and look like a crazy woman getting him and all our stuff to the car, just in the nick of time because I need to get to my office so I can help other women figure out how to relax and enjoy their lives.
Wait. Something is wrong with that picture!
The benefit to being so often challenged myself is that I really get it when my mama clients are frustrated and needing support. And I suspect that given my dedication, I am mostly doing better than I think at mothering mindfully.
Here are few tips when your patience meter is counting down to ground zero:
1. Give yourself empathy. Your natural reaction when you are losing patience (and mindfulness) and not being the mama you want to be is probably self-judgment. Your thinking might be: “Why can’t I just stay calm? What is wrong with me? I clearly wasn’t cut out for being a mother. I hate this…” Self empathy sounds very different: “You are doing the best you can right now. You are really frustrated and just want to go to work. It is hard work parenting a toddler (teenager, three kids under 6…). You need a break. You need support right now…”
2. Give yourself credit. If you are reading this blog, you probably care about mothering your children with presence and mindfulness. And I bet that you, like me, do it more often than you think. This morning my son’s preschool teacher said, “You are such a laid-back, patient mama.” I was like, “Huh? I don’t think of myself as very patient.” She laughed and said, “Give yourself some credit!” Remind yourself of all that you are doing that does reflect the mama you want to be.
3. Get some support. Surround yourself with people who know what you are up to and support your values. Ask for feedback when you are losing sight of how you are doing. Being around other people who are also committed to mindfulness will inspire you (and keep you accountable) in your own practice.
Whew! Just writing this blog has gotten me back on track. Off I go to pay some close attention to the little monkey…
Posted in being present, mama wisdom | Tagged being present, Connected Parenting, empathy, intentions, mothering, Parenting, perspective, presence, self-acceptance, shift your thinking, teenagers, toddlers | Leave a Comment »
November 6, 2009 by Mindfullymothering
So many of my mama friends have told me lately that they are working on being more present (both with themselves and their children). And we all commiserate about how challenging it can be! As a life coach for women, this is a common issue my clients bring to their coaching sessions.
My blog on my Nurture Life Coaching site this week is all about the obstacles to being present. If you are struggling with what it means to be mindful or feel challenged in your everyday life with just being present, be sure to read it!
Posted in being present | Tagged awareness, being present, connection, mindfulness, mothering, Parenting, perspective, self-acceptance, shift your thinking | Leave a Comment »
November 2, 2009 by Mindfullymothering
As I logged into my blog this morning, I was surprised at how long it has been since my last post! We have been a wee bit busy…
Ten day trip to Texas, everyone down with the flu at the beginning of the trip, airplanes, a greyhound bus, staying with relatives and friends, my 20 year High School reunion…
We are in recovery mode.
Resting and recovering is not easy for me. My tendency on arriving home from a big trip is to jump right into catching up on everything: work, emails, bills, household stuff.
This time, my body demanded extra rest. I have been napping in the afternoons with the little monkey (who had given up naps before this trip) and needing a minimum of 10 hours of sleep at night.
Everything else has had to wait.
A note on simplicity (from my last post): It worked well! We didn’t miss the stuff I didn’t bring. There was one point that I regretted not having the stroller (while we were both sick in the airport), but I had my Ergo and it ended up being fine. Lesson learned: less is plenty!
Interestingly, our luggage (and car seat) were lost in Las Vegas (fitting, huh?) and the first evening we didn’t have any of our stuff anyway! We made it through with whatever was in my purse and a couple of toothbrushes from the hotel front desk.
And Sweet boy? Still sweet as ever. I wish we had all felt better so that we could have enjoyed our time together more.
How we lived through the flu while traveling:
- Elderberry syrup: a natural anti-viral. Kids can take it too.
- Oscillococcinum homeopathic flu remedy.
- Extra doses of Vitamin D (5000 iu daily for me, 1000 iu for the little monkey). Extra C and Zinc.
- Oregano oil: a natural anti-viral. Too strong for kids under 4.
- Chestal: homeopathic cough medicine. Great for kids!
Posted in Health and Healing, Self-care | Tagged connection parenting, health, mothering, natural remedies for flu, Parenting, rest and recovery, Self-care, sick kids, swine flu, travel | 1 Comment »
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