November 25, 2009 by Mindfullymothering
I love the focus on gratitude during Thanksgiving week. For me, it is a wonderful reminder to be mindful. Being grateful means pausing and really noticing: what do I appreciate right now? To do that, I have to actually slow down and get present.
The past few days, I have been stuck in the “grump rut”. Perhaps you are nodding your head right now because that is a familiar territory for you. I regularly feel frustration and irritation with my toddler as he learns (key point to remember) to communicate his needs and feelings, often in ways that are very challenging for me.
Sometimes I catch myself expecting him to act like a little grown-up. Shouldn’t he know how to ask respectfully for what he wants? Can’t he learn to wait when I am busy? And why the heck does he wake up so early anyway?
Then I remind myself, he isn’t even 3 years old yet! His little brain and body are still developing (not done till mid 20s actually). He can’t control his emotions (nor would I want him to do so). It is my job to care for him, be his guide and model respectful behavior, starting with the way I respond to him.
This week, I am starting an “appreciation practice”. For a few minutes every day, I am going to slow down, pay attention to him consciously and think about all the things I notice and appreciate about him. I think I will do it with my husband and dog as well.
When I do this, it shifts me right out of grumpy, busy mama mode and into mindfulness and inner calm. There is so much to appreciate! When I get frustrated, I just forget…
Want to try it?
Posted in Being myself | Tagged mindfulness, being present, perspective, connection, Connected Parenting, awareness, mothering, gratitude, toddlers, shift your thinking, Parenting, intentions, thanksgiving, grateful, spiritual practice | Leave a Comment »
November 13, 2009 by Mindfullymothering
I have “come out” pretty openly as a mama very dedicated to mindfulness and very short on patience. Being present and mindful is especially challenging for me because I am naturally oriented towards action and can tend to get very stuck in my head, with thoughts spinning.
So, how in the heck did I end up teaching yoga, being a massage therapist and a body-centered life coach? Well…cause truly we teach what we need to learn. And mamas, I have to practice more than most!
This past week, my internal patience meter has been ticking like a time bomb.
Mornings have been hard. I want the little (wild) monkey dressed, teeth brushed and out the door to preschool in the mornings without a struggle (and he is two and half so how likely is that?). And I grit my teeth and look like a crazy woman getting him and all our stuff to the car, just in the nick of time because I need to get to my office so I can help other women figure out how to relax and enjoy their lives.
Wait. Something is wrong with that picture!
The benefit to being so often challenged myself is that I really get it when my mama clients are frustrated and needing support. And I suspect that given my dedication, I am mostly doing better than I think at mothering mindfully.
Here are few tips when your patience meter is counting down to ground zero:
1. Give yourself empathy. Your natural reaction when you are losing patience (and mindfulness) and not being the mama you want to be is probably self-judgment. Your thinking might be: “Why can’t I just stay calm? What is wrong with me? I clearly wasn’t cut out for being a mother. I hate this…” Self empathy sounds very different: “You are doing the best you can right now. You are really frustrated and just want to go to work. It is hard work parenting a toddler (teenager, three kids under 6…). You need a break. You need support right now…”
2. Give yourself credit. If you are reading this blog, you probably care about mothering your children with presence and mindfulness. And I bet that you, like me, do it more often than you think. This morning my son’s preschool teacher said, “You are such a laid-back, patient mama.” I was like, “Huh? I don’t think of myself as very patient.” She laughed and said, “Give yourself some credit!” Remind yourself of all that you are doing that does reflect the mama you want to be.
3. Get some support. Surround yourself with people who know what you are up to and support your values. Ask for feedback when you are losing sight of how you are doing. Being around other people who are also committed to mindfulness will inspire you (and keep you accountable) in your own practice.
Whew! Just writing this blog has gotten me back on track. Off I go to pay some close attention to the little monkey…
Posted in being present, mama wisdom | Tagged teenagers, being present, perspective, Connected Parenting, self-acceptance, empathy, mothering, toddlers, shift your thinking, Parenting, intentions, presence | Leave a Comment »
November 6, 2009 by Mindfullymothering
So many of my mama friends have told me lately that they are working on being more present (both with themselves and their children). And we all commiserate about how challenging it can be! As a life coach for women, this is a common issue my clients bring to their coaching sessions.
My blog on my Nurture Life Coaching site this week is all about the obstacles to being present. If you are struggling with what it means to be mindful or feel challenged in your everyday life with just being present, be sure to read it!
Posted in being present | Tagged awareness, being present, connection, mindfulness, mothering, Parenting, perspective, self-acceptance, shift your thinking | Leave a Comment »
November 2, 2009 by Mindfullymothering
As I logged into my blog this morning, I was surprised at how long it has been since my last post! We have been a wee bit busy…
Ten day trip to Texas, everyone down with the flu at the beginning of the trip, airplanes, a greyhound bus, staying with relatives and friends, my 20 year High School reunion…
We are in recovery mode.
Resting and recovering is not easy for me. My tendency on arriving home from a big trip is to jump right into catching up on everything: work, emails, bills, household stuff.
This time, my body demanded extra rest. I have been napping in the afternoons with the little monkey (who had given up naps before this trip) and needing a minimum of 10 hours of sleep at night.
Everything else has had to wait.
A note on simplicity (from my last post): It worked well! We didn’t miss the stuff I didn’t bring. There was one point that I regretted not having the stroller (while we were both sick in the airport), but I had my Ergo and it ended up being fine. Lesson learned: less is plenty!
Interestingly, our luggage (and car seat) were lost in Las Vegas (fitting, huh?) and the first evening we didn’t have any of our stuff anyway! We made it through with whatever was in my purse and a couple of toothbrushes from the hotel front desk.
And Sweet boy? Still sweet as ever. I wish we had all felt better so that we could have enjoyed our time together more.
How we lived through the flu while traveling:
- Elderberry syrup: a natural anti-viral. Kids can take it too.
- Oscillococcinum homeopathic flu remedy.
- Extra doses of Vitamin D (5000 iu daily for me, 1000 iu for the little monkey). Extra C and Zinc.
- Oregano oil: a natural anti-viral. Too strong for kids under 4.
- Chestal: homeopathic cough medicine. Great for kids!
Posted in Health and Healing, Self-care | Tagged connection parenting, health, mothering, natural remedies for flu, Parenting, rest and recovery, Self-care, sick kids, swine flu, travel | 1 Comment »
October 14, 2009 by Mindfullymothering
I am preparing for our big trip to Texas to see Sweet boy. In the past, I have made the trip harder on myself by taking SO MUCH STUFF! This time, my body is asking for ease and simplicity.
This is not easy for me. I am such a planner! I like knowing that I have everything we could possibly need (because you know they don’t have stores in Texas!). My typical trip has involved packing more clothes than we ever wear, taking Liam’s extra heavy Britax car seat, stroller, computer bag, food stuffs, tons of activities for him on the plane, all the diapers we will need for the 10 days…
This time I am taking a smaller suitcase, borrowing a lighter car seat, leaving my computer at home (how will I survive without my Mac book?), and taking only my large sized purse on the plane. That means anything we need on the plane is going to have to fit in that purse!
This act of simplicity is truly a practice for me. It asks me to trust that I can get what I need on my trip as challenges arise. It has me being more thoughtful about what we will wear and use on our trip. It demands that I not work while I am traveling (yes, I can still return email on my iPhone). I expect that I will be more present, in less back pain and the little monkey and I will have unexpected fun together without so much “stuff” to entertain us…
What difference does simplicity make in your life? Have you consciously chosen to make things easier on yourself and had positive results?
Posted in Self-care, The balancing act of motherhood | Tagged awareness, being present, mindfulness, mothering, Parenting, shift your thinking, travel | 1 Comment »
October 2, 2009 by Mindfullymothering
The little monkey and I are excited about our trip to Texas to visit Sweet Boy in a couple of weeks!
While I worry about the boys being so far apart in age and growing up in different homes (well, lets face it, Sweet Boy is practically grown up already), there is a tender closeness between them that warms my heart.
When the little monkey was a newborn, Sweet Boy (being sweet like he is) sat up at night with me and rubbed my back after the fussy little baby finally went to sleep. He cuddled his brother in the rocking chair, gave him his herbal colic drops and gave sleep-deprived me lots of encouragement.
It was an amazing experience to see Sweet Boy cradling his tiny brother in his arms and imagining what a great dad he will be someday.
Now, the little monkey talks about his “bubba” all the time. The other day at the park, another toddler was bragging about his older brother playing soccer. The little monkey came back with, “Well, my bubba lives in a jet plane!”
We are pretty sure that the monkey thinks his brother does live in a plane. He regularly points up at the sky when a plane zooms by and says, “bubba!” He also likes to let his balloons go and then says, “Go find bubba!” It makes sense given that every time he sees his brother, a plane trip is involved!
While my two boys are so very different, I also see similarities between them.
Yes, the little monkey is about 100 times more physically active than his big brother-he is literally going from the minute he wakes up to play hacky sack in the living room until he falls off his bike asleep in the evening. And yet there are moments that he looks up at me and says something startlingly wise and reminds me of Sweet Boy as a toddler.
Sweet Boy is in a culinary program at his High School and interested in becoming a chef like his own dad. Interestingly, the little monkey has decided that cooking is his favorite activity at his new preschool and every morning chooses to help his teacher stay inside to prep food instead of going outside with the rest of the class.
Coincidence? I think not! The little guy wants to be just like his big “bubba” of course!
Posted in Children growing up | Tagged Children growing up, connection, mindfulness, mothering, Parenting, teenagers, toddlers | Leave a Comment »
September 28, 2009 by Mindfullymothering
Last week I had one of those days that I sometimes call a “heavy day.” I was dragging around some pretty old stories, ruminating over a challenging parenting moment and having conversations in my head with people who were not even in the room. In other words, I was not mindful.
Yes, my mind was full! But not with attention to the present moment. As a result, the little monkey was clingy and difficult, nothing really got done (very well) and I was a big grump!
Luckily, I was able to wake myself out of the slump by reconnecting with a simple Zen tale. You can read it here.
I realized that I was causing my own pain with my thoughts. Nothing that was actually happening that day was really that terrible. But my attitude…well, it was terrible! New scientific research is pointing to the fact that we can actually re-wire our brains through our thinking patterns. I wrote a blog about it on my Nurture Life Coaching site!
Posted in My coaching practice, being present | Tagged being present, Connected Parenting, mindfulness, mothering, Parenting, perspective, shift your thinking | Leave a Comment »
September 22, 2009 by Mindfullymothering
Do you ever find deep wisdom while reading children’s books?
You are tired at the end of your long day and climb into bed with your little one, who is dragging a stack of books under his arm. You wonder if you will have to read that same one again (that you have read every night and now, unfortunately, know by heart). Will you have to make fire engine sounds and act excited about garbage trucks? And then he pulls out a gem!
“I Can Read With My Eyes Shut” gave me quite an a-ha moment the other evening! As The Cat in the Hat is guiding Young Cat through a series of silly experiments both with eyes opened and closed, I had a new awareness about all the ways I try to live with my eyes closed (or at least narrowly focused).
My blog for Mamapreneurs, Inc. shares one of my insights about what you can get when you decide to keep your eyes wide “at least on one side”. It is short, take a moment to read it!
Posted in being present, writing | Tagged being present, Connected Parenting, mindfulness, mothering, Parenting, perspective, shift your thinking | 1 Comment »
September 18, 2009 by Mindfullymothering
I just realized that I have not posted to my blog in 10 days! Where have I been?
Life has been…busy and exciting! The little monkey started preschool last week and we have been settling into a new routine. I am delighted to have found a little community school that shares my values of teaching kids Non-Violent Communication, sustainability and community connection.
The little guy starting preschool is having a positive impact on my business in that I have now expanded my office hours to five half-days (three mornings and two evenings) per week! And mama has been busy…I just launched my twice monthly e-letter Clarity Speaking. Please sign up if you would enjoy receiving a short, sweet reminder in your email box that inspires great clarity!
Posted in My coaching practice | Tagged connection, mindfulness, mothering, Parenting, time management | Leave a Comment »
September 8, 2009 by Mindfullymothering
Perhaps you are like me and have occasional insomnia. You are laying awake in bed listening to the gentle sounds of your children sleeping and wondering why the heck you can’t! Now that they are finally sleeping…
Some mama clients tell me that the insomnia got much worse after having a baby and sleep has never returned to normal-ish. They have many nights of not enough sleep; so frustrating once your baby is finally sleeping (mostly) through the night.
My Tranquil Parent article this week is an interview with a sleep specialist. She offers some information about why mamas can’t sleep and some great tips for improving sleep. If you struggle with getting enough rest, please give it a read!
Posted in Health and Healing, writing | Tagged Children growing up, mothering, Parenting, Self-care, sleep deprivation | Leave a Comment »
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