Picture this: me, smeared with the remnants of the monkey’s breakfast (oatmeal and banana), cleaver in hand, sweat pouring from my brow, slamming the hard flesh of the squash over and over on the wooden cutting board, chunks of tile flying, and still, it rolls, unblemished, solid, mocking me in its thick skinned way.
So, there is this cute grocery store guy (I won’t say who; I won’t say where; hey, you may fantasize about him too) and I have a little crush on him. It is minor and really just a reflection of how much I miss the juicy connection Papa Bear and I can have when aren’t both dead tired and covered in baby snot.
The monkey and I are cruising through the store; I am making “drivey” sounds and pushing the cart in little jerks like it is a high-powered car, raring to let loose. We blow through the vegetable section and there is he is with his beard and smiley eyes. He is standing near a sculpture-like stack of fat kumbucha squash, my nemesis. I love them. I hate them. I have to buy them because the monkey will eat chunks of their vitamin-C packed goodness by the handful.
“Hey, these are hard to cut.”
Do I sound like a teenaged girl just learning to cook or a lonely mama, trying to remember what it feels like to be cute?
“Well,” he scratches that cute red beard, “see, you just heat it up in the oven for about 20 minutes at say 250 degrees or so. It will cut like butter.”
Like butter. My knees are weak; my heart is soaring. I could care less about the bearded guy who has a bigger paunch than I remembered in my last late night fantasy anyway. I will cut the squash. As soon as I get home, it will be mine.
It is easy. Truly, like butter. We eat two in one week. Some days, I think about cooking one just for the joy of sliding my knife through its flesh and winning.
Whoa, I really do need some sex.
Hee hee hee!! This was great to read. Yeah, we are dead-tired too and covered in baby snot. It didn’t help that I watched Oprah yesterday and Dr. Oz was confirming that men need sex 4 times a week to live longer. Did they study men with young children?? Anyway, I’m rambling… Squash sounds yummy
Funny how you didn’t think of cooking the squash whole. I wouldn’t have, either! You’ve made me want to try one though…Hope you are all feeling better soon!
Hey, Lee, I saw that Oprah, too, and was like “Hmm, how ’bout 4 times in a year??” Ha! My DH watched it at the gym, and did he come home talking about the sex? No. The broccoli. *headscratch* he’s weird sometimes.
Our offer still stands.
What a great idea! I also hate cutting squash but will have to try this!