I have “come out” pretty openly as a mama very dedicated to mindfulness and very short on patience. Being present and mindful is especially challenging for me because I am naturally oriented towards action and can tend to get very stuck in my head, with thoughts spinning.
So, how in the heck did I end up teaching yoga, being a massage therapist and a body-centered life coach? Well…cause truly we teach what we need to learn. And mamas, I have to practice more than most!
This past week, my internal patience meter has been ticking like a time bomb.
Mornings have been hard. I want the little (wild) monkey dressed, teeth brushed and out the door to preschool in the mornings without a struggle (and he is two and half so how likely is that?). And I grit my teeth and look like a crazy woman getting him and all our stuff to the car, just in the nick of time because I need to get to my office so I can help other women figure out how to relax and enjoy their lives.
Wait. Something is wrong with that picture!
The benefit to being so often challenged myself is that I really get it when my mama clients are frustrated and needing support. And I suspect that given my dedication, I am mostly doing better than I think at mothering mindfully.
Here are few tips when your patience meter is counting down to ground zero:
1. Give yourself empathy. Your natural reaction when you are losing patience (and mindfulness) and not being the mama you want to be is probably self-judgment. Your thinking might be: “Why can’t I just stay calm? What is wrong with me? I clearly wasn’t cut out for being a mother. I hate this…” Self empathy sounds very different: “You are doing the best you can right now. You are really frustrated and just want to go to work. It is hard work parenting a toddler (teenager, three kids under 6…). You need a break. You need support right now…”
2. Give yourself credit. If you are reading this blog, you probably care about mothering your children with presence and mindfulness. And I bet that you, like me, do it more often than you think. This morning my son’s preschool teacher said, “You are such a laid-back, patient mama.” I was like, “Huh? I don’t think of myself as very patient.” She laughed and said, “Give yourself some credit!” Remind yourself of all that you are doing that does reflect the mama you want to be.
3. Get some support. Surround yourself with people who know what you are up to and support your values. Ask for feedback when you are losing sight of how you are doing. Being around other people who are also committed to mindfulness will inspire you (and keep you accountable) in your own practice.
Whew! Just writing this blog has gotten me back on track. Off I go to pay some close attention to the little monkey…
