Lately I have been thinking about how I define the world for the little monkey through my words. The other day he was climbing on some playground equipment and I said, “Be careful!” He turned and looked me right in the eye and said, “No!”
This gave me pause.
How many times have I said those words to him? A bazillion? You see, this little guy is truly a monkey. The minute I turn my back, he is climbing the counters in the kitchen, skillfully foraging for food. At almost three, he blazes down hills on his little balance bike, feet proudly riding the tiny pegs. He climbs the flat, metal surface of the slide standing up, refusing to put his hands down on the sides. And usually, he does just fine.
I also say “Be careful!” to him when he is around other people. He has strong, physical energy and is likely to bowl someone over if they try to take a beloved toy away or even get too close when he doesn’t want to be touched.
By saying the words “Be careful” to him all day, am I teaching him that the world is a dangerous place? Or even worse, that he is dangerous?
I have been wondering what else I could say, if anything. Maybe I need to say less and just be available. I can catch him after all. Or let him fall (if it isn’t too high) and learn the power of gravity. And when it comes to his interactions with others, I can stay close to help keep everyone safe without assuming with my words that he is automatically going to be rough.
What words do you say to your kids over and over? What do you think it teaches them about the world and themselves? Does the constant “No!” make the world seem very limited? Does “Try harder” teach them that they just aren’t good enough?
And, if you want to re-frame the self-limiting thoughts you tell yourself regularly, read my post about it at Nurture Life Coaching.
My husband and I often tell our almost-5-year-old (who is also an amazing climber and natural athlete), “Pay attention,” rather than “Be careful” when we want to make sure he is being safe. We have pointed out that he only really gets hurt when he’s not paying attention.
Lately Jake has been turning around and telling me “I’ll be careful!” when he wants to do something that involves something sharp or fragile. I am having to re-evaluate my words as well!
This was a thought provoking post. I say to my children it is my job to keep you safe and it is your job to help keep it that way. I find that if we talk about the ways to keep safe it helps build perimeters that we both feel comfortable with!